Learning with my daughter

These last few days I’ve been writing about broad issues like women’s rights, violence, equality. So perhaps for today I will bring my focus back in, back in to my little world which lately has been rather pre-occupied with how to cope with a new stage of toddlerhood.

In the last few weeks, my amazingly mild-tempered daughter has suddenly started dissolving into outbreaks of tears. Not just little tears. These are sobbing, heart-breaking tears. Distressing for her and for me.

I remember being told as a child, ‘if you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about.’ I can understand where the frustration comes from that can make a parent say this – your child is crying inconsolably either because they are not allowed to do something or for some unknown, or (in our minds) trivial reason. For example, being told that wet boots can’t be worn in the house should not, logically, lead to a flood of tears.

But although I am unlikely to change my position on wet boots in the house, I can acknowledge my daughter’s frustration and tears, and try to help her experience all this in a way that isn’t quite so overwhelming and scary.

I talked to a woman whose advice on parenting and child raising I greatly respect. She assured me that what my daughter is going through is so normal at this age. She also talked about the importance of involving her in finding ways to cope with overwhelming emotions and engaging her in stories, songs and conversations about feelings like anger, frustration, grumpiness and sadness. She showed us a cute little book about a grumpy bird who walks out his frustration with his friends.

So M has a new favourite song now. We’ve taken ‘If you’re happy and you know it...’ and are making up our own verses. ‘If you’re angry and you know it,’ I start, then ask her what we could do. So far the best we’ve come up with saying, ‘I’m mad’.

For ‘If you’re sad and you know it’... we’ve come up with ‘have a cry’ and ‘have a cuddle’. We also go bananas when we’re crazy.

Toddler steps, learning together.